Welcome Back, Freaks
by StrangerInAStrangeWorld
Summary: Hirako Shinji and two of his fellow Visored have been restored to captaincy. They're a little bitter about their treatment, happy to be back, eager to see old friends again and make new ones, and just a bit anxious to prove that they aren't monsters meant for war. These are some of their adventures and misadventures after the Winter War.
1. Hey, We're Back!

_I'm pretty sure this had to happen eventually. I couldn't get this idea out of my head, so here it is. Might do a series based off of what happens when three former criminals- who are still technically breaking the law- become captains again._

**-I am a line break, beginning the story-**

Sui Feng had heard that the traitors' positions were being filled. She'd heard the people filling in were capable, captain-class fighters who knew how to give orders. Each one had achieved Bankai.

What she hadn't heard is exactly who those people were.

All the captains and lieutenants are assembled, three gaps that have not grown any less conspicuous visible in their ranks. The meeting should've started five minutes ago, but the Captain-Commander looks as if he's waiting for someone. Sui Feng has begun to wonder if she should start checking to see if the old man's gone senile.

And then the double doors swing open, all heads turning to see who's entering.

Sui Feng nearly has a heart attack, and it takes a lot to startle anyone who's Onmitsukido. The excitable Omaeda nearly faints, though that's because he notices the reaction of his captain in the split second before she can hide it.

Three men walk in, one of them still pulling on his haori. Another brushes wavy blond hair away from his face, sighing as he scans the faces of those present. The apparent leader is just smiling as if absolutely nothing is wrong.

"We-ell, I don't feel so overdressed anymore. You shoulda seen the looks we kept gettin' on the way here." Hirako Shinji drawls, lazy grin displaying every last one of his teeth. It's a very unnerving effect, and Sui Feng makes a mental note to learn how he does it. "Real good to be wearin' a haori again, though, even if rememberin' the right way to put on a shihakusho's kind of a pain."

Hitsugaya's the first one to start talking. Unsurprising, since he doesn't actually know them beyond the brief glimpse he got during the battle in the fake Karakura Town.

"Who the hell are you guys? Why're you wearing captains' haoris?" The white-haired boy captain demands. Sui Feng winces mentally. That's a can of worms she really doesn't want to open.

Shinji frowns at him. "Who are- Oh, right, you're the one Hiyori kept shoutin' at. I think she likes you, y'know. Kept going on about some midget with white hair who needed help takin' out Harribel."

Hitsugaya turns bright red. "I'm not a midget! Besides, you didn't answer my questions."

Yamamoto intervenes, eager to head off conflict with the desperately needed replacements. Sui Feng is still completely unable to speak. How did they get Central 46 to make exceptions for these hybrids?

"Third Squad Captain Otoribashi Rojuro, Fifth Squad Captain Hirako Shinji, and Ninth Squad Captain Muguruma Kensei." His scarred head nods to each one in turn, prompting a startled gasp from Hinamori when her new captain's identity is announced.

"Yo." Kensei grumbles when his name is announced. "Good to see we get names again. How much pleading did you have to give the Central 46 before they allowed that?"

"Now, Kensei, that's rather bitter of you." Rose tells him. "I thought we went through this. No bringing up the whole execution incident. It's bad form."

That jolts Sui Feng out of her speechless state, cutting off Hitsugaya and Kyouraku in the process.

"No offense, Captain-Commander, but are you sure these...people are safe to have in Soul Society?" Steamrolling over any sort of social conventions, the Second Division's captain continues, "The last time they were here, the Central 46 was ordering us to execute them as Hollow hybrids!"

All three visibly stiffen as the eyes of pretty much anyone who wasn't actively serving as a captain or lieutenant at the time widen, save for Kenpachi, who begins to grin broadly.

"Water under the bridge." Aizen's former captain says. "As it is, I didn't hear any complaints when we showed up to help out at Karakura." He smirks. "Sorry for makin' everybody wait, but can we get the meeting started now? Better things to do with our time than argue about trivial things."

"Second Division Captain Sui Feng raises an excellent point." Kuchiki Byakuya speaks up. "I would argue that this sort of law-breakers is not a safe kind to have in Soul Society, let alone in positions of power. Hardly trivial."

Shinji's smile dims. "What sort of law-breakers would you be talking about, Kuchiki-san?" He asks with a quietness that would make anyone less preoccupied with the letter of the law take pause.

"The kind that was exiled in the past for choosing to acquire Hollow powers-"

The Sixth Division's Captain doesn't get to say anything more before he finds himself on the receiving end of a death glare from the blond, who is no longer smiling. Rose and Kensei are doing the exact same thing.

"If we're gonna be workin' together, Kuchiki, I suggest you retract your statement. Now. Because unless you were there that night, unless you watched Aizen and his pals cut me and mine down and turn us into monsters and get fuckin' promoted for it, you can shut the hell up." He spits. "We all had a century to deal. I keep forgettin' that not everybody's so ready to move on." Shinji pauses, clearly restraining himself and calming down. "Hey- you like Kurosaki Ichigo, right? Hero of the Winter War and all? Before he went and lost his powers, he had a Hollow in his thick skull too. No way he would've been able to take Aizen out otherwise. So either you get over the past that you were barely a part of, or you can condemn him too."

The Visoreds' de facto leader shrugs, catlike smile flickering back into place, and ambles to his spot among the captains. After a second or two, his companions follow suit.

Sui Feng doesn't like Hirako Shinji or the other Hollow hybrids. She doesn't like that they have monsters just beneath the skin, and doesn't trust the former exiles at all.

But somehow, the captains' meeting hall feels complete when they take their places.


	2. Nice to Meet You All

_Wow, I'm flattered. I didn't think others had considered the whole issues surrounding former exiles becoming captains again while still afflicted with the condition that got them exiled in the first place. Here we go again!_

Hinamori Momo is more than a little bit startled when a man comes walking into the meeting hall wearing Captain Aizen's haori. She nearly goes over to him to demand that he take it off, but reconsiders when she remembers that Captain Aizen isn't a captain anymore, that he betrayed Soul Society and forced Shiro-chan and the other captains to hurt her. The many therapy sessions she was forced to go to all focused on that fact, and the meek lieutenant is just starting to let herself accept it.

Of course, she's outright horrified when Sui Feng reveals that the blond and his friends are part-Hollow. They look like Shinigami, but as soon as the diminutive captain says it, Hinamori's sense of reiatsu confirms it. Their power feels hybridized, as if beneath the Shinigami aspect there lies a cold-blooded _thing_, and somewhere in between the two they start to blend.

And when Hirako Shinji- that's his name, she discovers- gives Captain Kuchiki the most direct telling-off anyone's probably ever dared to in the noble's lifetime, Momo turns a few shades paler, because Captain Aizen- no, he's _Aizen, _just Aizen- did this to him. Aizen transformed this man and the two with him into abominations, walking rejections of the natural order of life. Shinigami hunt Hollows, that's how it is. No one should ever be a mixture of Shinigami and Hollow. It's _wrong, _evoking a visceral disgust in her just as a pure Hollow does.

Hinamori feels a little bit of her dedication to Aizen slip away, replaced by an instinctive fear of Shinji. She spends the rest of the meeting staring at the back of her new captain's head, as if trying to see the Hollow mask that isn't there but could be in a second. A second is all it would take for this stranger and his friends to put on Hollow masks and slaughter everyone in the room, save perhaps for Unohana and Yamamoto.

She files out with the rest of the people there in a sort of daze, which is why it surprises her so much when she nearly walks into someone.

That someone happens to be Shinji, who bends down a little bit to look Momo in the eye and stick his hand out. The slender lieutenant stares at it for a second, taking a step back with a squeak before her body remembers what she's supposed to do here and shakes his hand. Surprisingly, when he releases it and she drops her hand back to her side, Momo doesn't feel repulsed. She's a little bit disturbed by the fact that she _isn't _disturbed, that her skin isn't crawling.

"Nice to meet 'cha. Hinamori, right? Can I call you Hinamori-chan?" The blond asks, grinning all the while. "Or do ya go by somethin' else?"

"Hi-Hinamori-san, if you don't mind." The girl in question stammers, thanking whatever spirits are watching out for her that she can remember proper social behavior. Anything besides Hinamori-kun would be okay with her, really, but there are rules about being so informal. Rules that he apparently likes to trample over.

Shinji somehow manages to straighten and slouch at the same time. "Hinamori-san it is, then. I'm Hirako Shinji. Most people just call me Hirako-san, and I imagine some people'll insist on Captain Hirako, but a pretty girl like you can call me anythin' ya want."

"I-I know." She says, realizing her mistake a second later and trying to correct it. "I mean I know you're Hirako Shinji! Not, you know..." Momo trails off, glancing away and blushing.

He laughs. "I like you, Hinamori-san. Much as I'd love to catch up with everyone here- it's been a while since we actually talked, y'know, that fight with Aizen and his Espada doesn't count- I think my time'd be better spent back at the Fifth Division. How 'bout you an' I go and get me introduced to everybody?"

Hinamori finds herself nodding. _Right, just ignore the fact that he's a self-proclaimed monster and make it your duty, Momo. You can do this. _"Okay, C-Captain Hirako." She stumbles over the words, mouth hesitant to call him by the title even though her mind understands that Shinji's her captain now.

She leads him through the streets, stopping every so often when he does to see a faintly grim and wistful expression on Shinji's face as he looks around. Soon enough the hybrid snaps out of it and motions for her to lead on- though Momo suspects that he remembers the way, that he's walked this way a thousand times in his dreams.

Finally, just as the young Kido master is about to faint because his presence makes her so nervous, the duo arrives at the headquarters of the Fifth Division, where the captain's and lieutenant's quarters are located- a change made to all the headquarters after Kenpachi kept getting lost on the way from his bedroom to work each day, when he actually slept in it at all. A small crowd of Shinigami is bustling around, a buzz of chatter rising up from them.

A pair crossing the square reflexively glance over to greet their lieutenant and are, to put it mildly, startled to see someone accompanying her.

"Lieutenant Hinamori! Good morning! Who's this?" The braver man asks curiously, tilting his head like a bird at Shinji.

Hinamori puts on her 'commanding lieutenant' face. "I'll tell you in just a second, but" -she racks her brain for their names- "I need you, Aono-san and Toriyama-san, to get the division members together, okay? It's important."

The two men blink, but rush off to do as they're told. Shinji turns to her bemusedly.

"I'm pretty sure you coulda just told 'em right there, but you're the expert in dealin' with these people, so I'll just follow your lead." He says, brushing a strand of pale gold hair out of his face.

Once everyone's assembled- just like they used to assemble when Aizen needed to give full-division directions, Momo remembers, heart aching-, Shinji and his new lieutenant stand in front of them, neither exactly sure what to say.

Finally the former exile figures it out and takes a little step forward.

"Nice to meet you all. I'm Hirako Shinji, the guy who's gonna be your captain from here on out, so I get to set a few ground rules." He clasps his hands. "Rule number one: Only listen to me if I make sense. If I don't, go ask Hinamori-san and she'll tell you what to do. Rule number two: Don't expect things to get done the way Aizen did them. I used to tell Aizen what to do, so I know what that slimeball's like, and I'm not really like that. I'm not gonna lie to you and make you my chess pawns like he did. Rule number three, hmm...Got it! Rule number three is that if any weirdos come 'round here that you don't know, 'specially a blonde midget girl with pigtails, send 'em my way. They're prob'ly lookin' for me."

Shinji grins and claps his hands, making everyone blink. "So, questions? I might have answers!" He sounds ridiculously upbeat for someone who hasn't been around here for a century, Momo thinks. If she was in his position, she'd be sad remembering how things used to be.

A tall woman rises from her kneeling position and asks, "Excuse me, Captain Hirako, sir, but you said you commanded Aizen? Why're you back if you retired?"

He sighs, scratching at his right elbow. "'Cause I didn't retire, that's why. He forced me out 'cause of this." Without warning, the blond reaches up to his face and makes a downwards sliding motion. Hinamori barely manages to stifle a scream by biting her lip until it bleeds as white spirit particles coalesce beneath his fingers into a Hollow mask. Others aren't so self-controlled, or maybe Hinamori's just too scared to move, and a good six people faint on the spot, others going white or screaming. Not everyone's battle-hardened enough to fight the instinctive fear that Hollows induce.

Hinamori can't look away, as terrified as she is. Shinji looks absolutely inhuman, despite his mask resembling an Egyptian pharaoh. His eyes are barely visible, shadowed by the mask, which doesn't help matters at all. You can't tell where he's looking. A weirdly calm part of Hinamori's mind thinks that it would be a great way to keep people from knowing if you're sleeping or not.

He only wears the mask for a second before it turns into yellow reiatsu and dissipates into the air, the crushing, predatory spirit pressure surrounding him vanishing instantly.

"Sheesh, it's your job to deal with Hollows. If you can't stand up to that, you don't have what it takes to be Shinigami." Shinji scoffs. "Alright, maybe a demonstration wasn't the best idea I've ever had," he concedes, "but you're going to have to get used to it. Long story short, when Aizen was my lieutenant, he lured me and a bunch of my friends out to the Rukongai and gave us Hollow powers and blamed Urahara Kisuke for it, so Soul Society exiled us for a while. No worries, I'm not gonna eat you or anythin' like that." His grin's returned, though it seems a little shaky. "Yama-jii wouldn't have let me back if _I _wasn't the one in control." Exactly what would be in control is left unspoken, hanging in the air.

Hinamori doesn't know what possesses her to do it, but she takes a step forward so she's just ahead of her captain, holding her hands up in front of herself pleadingly. "E-everyone, I can't say Captain Hirako's nature doesn't scare me. But I was at the battle with Aizen-san and the Espada and we would never have won if he and his friends hadn't come to help. I'm not saying that we should trust him blindly, but I want everyone to listen to him, okay?" She swallows hard, trying to remember what Shinji said during the meeting.

"K-Kurosaki-san, he saved us all, and before he gave up his powers, he was part-Hollow too, and I think he was friends with Captain Hirako. We can't just reject Captain Hirako if we don't do the same to Kurosaki-san. The Captain-Commander himself decided to bring Captain Hirako and his friends back from exile, and I think I like them, s-so if you have a problem with them, you have a problem with me and Yamamoto-sama too."

A firm, long-fingered hand rests on her shoulder suddenly. "Thanks, Hinamori-san. It means more than you know." He murmurs. As soon as the lazy drawl's vanished from his voice, it returns. "I'm not askin' ya to trust me or Rose or Kensei. After what you went through with Aizen, I'd say don't trust anyone in authority again. I sure don't. Just take your orders and follow 'em if you think they're right. There ain't a single captain who's not dangerous, even Unohana, so don't go thinkin' we're worse than anyone else just cause it's more obvious. So I expect ya to listen when I tell ya to do somethin', hear? Dismissed!" Shinji barks the last word with the authority of a drill sergeant. It couldn't be more clear that he's been a captain before and still knows how to be one.

The blond turns and simply walks off, haori swishing behind him as he does. Hinamori stays a bit longer to make sure that her subordinates are okay, murmuring reassurances and giving soft smiles here and there. Damage control, and the irreverent part of her rolls its eyes at Shinji's stunt. As effective as it was, there had to have been a better way to manage things. Such as _not _telling Shinigami that you could transform into a Hollow.

As soon as she's done, though, the shy lieutenant goes looking for her captain. She finds him in the room set aside for the captain of the division, door open with his haori lying crumpled on the threshold.

"Captain Hirako, I'm sure they'll warm up to you." Momo says hesitantly. "We're just...wary."

"I know." The hybrid replies distantly, not turning to face her. "That's how it went when I got made captain the first time." He turns suddenly, brown eyes bright with an emotion she can't name. "I thought I'd make things right this time, y'know? I mean, I _knew _people wouldn't like having a Visored captain, but I thought with Aizen gone there was no way I could screw up. Everyone'd just magically be okay again." Shinji releases a shuddering sigh. "It doesn't work like that, huh? No one's going to be okay for a while. _I'm _not okay. _You _aren't okay."

Momo laughs nervously, fiddling with the sleeves of her shihakusho. "I-I'm fine, really! They'll be fine too as soon as they get over your mask. It was a little sudden and all. Um, no disrespect, Captain Hirako, but maybe you could've just not told them? Most people wouldn't notice if they weren't trying to sense you."

He crosses the distance between them and looks her dead in the eye. "Maybe. I just didn't want to be hidin' stuff like Aizen did, y'know? Last time I tried keepin' secrets, my lieutenant backstabbed me an' seven of my friends and the only other people who knew got exiled too. They woulda found out anyway, I bet. Matsumoto-chan and that buffoon Sui Feng has for a lieutenant aren't the type to keep their traps shut."

Hinamori smiles genuinely at that. "Matsumoto-san and Omaeda-san aren't so bad, Captain."

Shinji grins. "I dunno about Omaeda, but Matsumoto-chan isn't bad at all." His meaning is clear, and Hinamori turns faintly pink.

Suddenly, she finds a hand on her head, ruffling her hair. "I said when I first met 'cha that I liked ya, Hinamori-san. I think my first impression was right for once. Go to bed, Peach Girl. _Your _bed. I won't have you tryin' to stay over with Matsumoto-chan or someone like that and gettin' kicked out by accident when the party gets outta control." Shinji releases her, gently pushing her outside and retrieving his haori before sliding the door shut. Somehow it doesn't feel like a dismissal.

Hinamori Momo isn't exactly sure if she's scared of Hirako Shinji or not. But she knows right there that she trusts him.


	3. Ain't It Obvious?

_Hey everyone. If you know anyone who follows my other fics- that'd be Masks Hiding Masks and Old Mantle, New Mission- you can tell them I've got severe writer's block and they'll have to wait. This idea came before writer's block, so I can update now._

**-I am a line break, beginning the story-**

Kensei doesn't bother telling his division about his Hollow powers. Unlike Shinji, he's got the sense to know that what Aizen did to him doesn't mean he has to try to make up for it. Hisagi– that's his lieutenant now, looks weirdly familiar– knows, but either he doesn't think it's a problem or he's been conditioned by Tosen not to question authority.

The silver-haired captain sits at a desk, filling out the billionth form today. Most of it's division paperwork, but some of it's devoted to making sure the Hollow-Shinigami hybrid of the Ninth Division stays compliant. Kensei has to attend regular psychiatric examinations, attend every damn captains' meeting, and fill out forms every so often detailing where he's been that day– as if that leaves much time for a personal life. This red tape's constricting him so badly it practically crushes him.

Still, even the temperamental Visored understands why, and so he dips his brush endlessly into a pot of ink– missing the pens of the living world dearly– and shoves back the annoyance that rises within him. Shinji specifically asked Rose and Kensei to make as little trouble as possible for as long as possible.

In the blond's words: "We know we're not monsters. _They _don't, so let's try t'keep under the radar for a while, yeah?"

Oh, Kensei tries his hardest, like they've all tried for the past century, to think of himself as he always has: a tough-guy Shinigami whose perpetual scowl only ever lifts when Mashiro's quiet for once– away from the premises is better. But it's hard when you remember collapsing on the ground as your face melted off, panicking because you could feel your body rejecting itself as it moved in ways it was never supposed to. It's damn near impossible when you've lived your life for the last century hearing a Hollow's growled tones in your head and mastering its power.

Shikai is one thing. Sure, it sets you apart from your friends who haven't achieved it yet, and may never do so, but it's a fairly normal part of being a Shinigami. There's plenty of precedent for achieving Shikai, and you control it. It never controls you. Your Zanpakuto's spirit may have lent you its power, but you are the one that wields it.

Even Bankai functions that way, devastatingly powerful as it is. For a while it pushes you away from your peers. Maybe it's because you can feel the power running through you, ready to be unleashed when battle comes, and having that sort of ability makes your strides just a bit more confident, your sword swings quicker. Maybe it's because it's common sense to be a little bit wary of a somewhat overconfident guy with incredible talent and a sword. But after a while you calm down because you've been working towards this for a while, what did you expect? And your friends knew about your training too, so they adjust.

But Hollow powers? They don't work that way. Hollow powers come from a different entity in your soul, one that's only based on you in the loosest of senses. They push your power beyond that of a normal Shinigami captain and explode into existence in an instant, faster than a sword can be drawn to defend. Shinigami powers don't run the risk of locking the user up in their own soul as a psychotic, murderous monster uses their body to slaughter everyone around. Hollow powers aren't normal and they aren't expected because even the sickest freaks in Soul Society's checkered past haven't done it.

Kensei stood with his division members one day, talking with them and clapping a few on the back occasionally like he did every day. He stood there thinking that he'd kill any Hollow that crossed him and tomorrow'd be just the same. Maybe the silver-haired captain would get married someday.

And the next day his body and mind had been warped horrifically and Kensei'd been forced to leave everything he knew or be executed– maybe even publicly– like monsters that didn't deserve life. All the Visored had their identities shattered that day, and the next hundred years have been spent trying to glue the pieces back together.

The notoriously grouchy man makes the sealing stroke for a final kanji and shuffles the form into the stack of papers. Hisagi's good enough to do the deliveries for him, thank God, or a few politicians would be missing their heads.

Kensei rises, attaching Tachikaze to his belt and leaving his office with a faint sigh of relief. There's time for some training now, or maybe sharing a cup of sake with Rose and his lieutenant. Kira's a gloomy man, but good at heart, and the wavy-haired Visored is determined to reverse the damage Ichimaru Gin caused.

Exiting his division headquarters, the Ninth Division's captain finds members training in the courtyard, organized by Hisagi no doubt.

As Kensei comes up next to the dark-haired man, he grumbles a greeting in the form of "Yo."

Hisagi starts, surprising the white-haired captain. He's not exactly Sui Feng, and his spirit pressure is rather distinctive. Lost in thought, probably.

"Oh. Hello, Captain Muguruma. Need something?" Hisagi tilts his head at Kensei slightly, still facing his subordinates.

"Nah. Just bored. Too much red tape to really go anywhere, so I thought I'd train or something." The Visored replies shortly.

"Train?" The lieutenant blinks, turning to fully look Kensei in the eye. The white-haired man notices with annoyance that the little kid he protected so long ago is now a full half-inch taller than he is. "I mean... I just didn't think someone like you'd need to train."

Kensei's eyes narrow slightly. Depending on what the dark-haired lieutenant means by 'someone like you'...

"You're a powerful captain." Shuuhei continues without the slightest hint that he'd intended to say anything else. "It didn't really occur to me that you'd need to practice like the rest of us."

The Ninth Division's captain grunts. "Yeah, well, I do. Don't suppose you've got Bankai?" He asks, not expecting to hear an answer in the affirmative.

Kensei isn't disappointed. "No." Hisagi says. "Only Sasakibe-san and Abarai have Bankai among the lieutenants." His expression clouds. "I don't really like my Shikai in any event."

The Visored frowns at his lieutenant. "Why? It's your power. You worked for it, you should use it." He tells Hisagi firmly.

"It looks like it was designed to reap lives. My Zanpakuto, Kazeshini, he's always pushing for more blood, more pain, more death." The dark-haired man replies with surprising honesty. "I don't want strength at that cost."

Kensei can't help but raise an eyebrow at his lieutenant and look at him meaningfully. To his credit, Hisagi Shuuhei glances away, faint redness staining his tattooed face.

"Hey, you got time for a little more paperwork?" The silver-haired man asks abruptly, gears turning in his head. His lieutenant has time only for a short nod before Kensei continues, just loud enough for the nearby third seat to hear him. "C'mon. You and I are going to train." It's not an order or a promise. Just a statement of irrevocable fact.

Two long hours later, Hisagi is sealing his Zanpakuto, making an effort of will not to collapse to the ground as sweat pours down his back. That little part of his mind that maintains wariness of his captain reminds him that it could be blood trickling down.

Kensei stands in front of him, barely winded and outright grinning.

"Keep up like this and you just might hit Bankai soon, kid. You're _strong._" The slightly shorter man says with feeling, powering down from Bankai himself. What that feeling is, Hisagi isn't sure. Pride? Joy? Satisfaction? The tone is the same you'd use to call out a Zanpakuto's attacks, convicted and driven.

"I try, Captain Muguruma." The dark-haired man pants. The intention of this training session was to show him the power of a Bankai firsthand– though Kensei admitted he wasn't the best measuring stick– and get his technique up to snuff to beat Kazeshini, who of course demands trial by combat before he gives Hisagi Bankai.

Kensei snorts. "Stop being so formal. Muguruma-san's fine with me, long as you give me a name. And stop trying to stand up straight, moron!" He snaps, shoving his lieutenant to the ground and plunking himself down on the otherwise vacant courtyard's tiles. They sit there for a bit, resting, before Hisagi forces words out of his mouth, the air rough on his throat.

"Captain Muguruma... are you scared of your powers?" It's a deeply personal question, one that Hisagi's always wanted to ask someone, always wanted to know if someone else felt this way and he wasn't alone. Somehow it feels easier to let the words spill out now.

"What kinda question is that?" The other man barks, looking at him askance.

Hisagi turns red, glancing away. Whoops. "I'm sorry. I thought it might be too personal, but I went and–"

Kensei cuts him off. "Not what I meant. I mean, why d'you have to ask? Ain't it obvious?" The Visored captain releases a whoosh of air that can't quite be termed a sigh. "Yeah, I'm scared. It's not like Shikai, where you gotta muster the energy and say the command and it's you usin' the Zanpakuto's powers. You always have to be in control, mask on or not, or you might wake up and find everybody around you dead 'cause a monster took over you without warning. 'Cause a monster took over _me _without warning." For a second, Kensei looks open and almost guilty, but it's gone the next second.

Hisagi takes a deep breath, processing this. He knows the story from the inauguration meeting. It's different, hearing it. He can hear the pain in his captain's voice, the pain of being exiled and all the while knowing you might hurt someone if you ever slipped, might lose your mind and soul for good. A question pops into the lieutenant's mind, leaving his mouth the next second.

"How do you deal?" Not _did, _never _did, _it's not the kind of thing you can have an epiphany about and just move on with your life after.

"I don't." Kensei's voice is blunt and sharp, closed off to emotion. "I act like I did before and beat him into submission every so often. There's no 'dealing.' Just crushing the Hollow when I need to and getting it into anybody who's got a problem with me's thick skull"– Hisagi has the funny feeling that that might involve a bit of crushing too–" that as far as I'm concerned I'm Shinigami and I'm damn well going to act like it. You rested up? There's paperwork calling both our names for doin' this." He snorts, rising. "Gotta keep track of all the freak captains' moves, after all."

As the dark-haired lieutenant stands and follows his captain in a burst of flash-step back to their division, he realizes that he's scared of his own power, but not of Kensei's.

Hisagi Shuuhei trusts his captain to keep in control, and he'll use his hated power whenever Kensei asks.

**-I am a line break, ending the story-**

_Plenty of Visored angst today, huh? I imagine that they'd have to appease the nobles and such a lot, though. As for Kensei's saying that he doesn't deal with being part-Hollow, I know he'd be that way. He doesn't want to dwell on pain and emotions, so he just doesn't. Kensei'd act like things were alright and close off any meaningful feelings he had because he wouldn't want himself to be weak as he perceives it._


	4. You Want to Know What's Worse?

_This is based on a bit of a realization I had. A lot of Shinigami are from noble houses. Minor nobles, mostly. But odds are, anyway, that the Visored have/had families. They had people who would miss them. What were they told? Do they know that their loved ones are part-Hollow? Was there reconciliation? This chapter is answering those questions._

_Also, please tell me if I've written Rose OOC (Out Of Character.)_

* * *

Rose sighs dramatically as he slides his office's door closed. His efforts to cheer up Izuru have gone... poorly. The kid's opened up a little bit, sure, but it's painfully obvious that he doesn't trust anyone, least of all himself. Any friendliness Kira's shown has only been that of a person getting more comfortable with a stranger.

Consequently, the Third Squad's captain deeply needs a drink. Preferably one with Kyouraku, who somehow knows all the best places to get good sake. And the best places to meet pretty women, not coincidentally. Rose tends to be a little more wary when his old friend takes him to a bar that features both attractions. He's not real keen on being called out to the Shin'o Academy in a century or so when some Rukongai kid's tried to train for his Shikai and found a Hollow waiting for him in his inner world, in the event that Hollowfication is as hereditary as regular spirit power tends to be.

Today isn't a day for drinks, though. Rose has personal business to take care of. Which is exactly why he's made sure to finish up all his work as quickly as possible. No way is he stressing over more paperwork than he has to. Speaking of which, it even took forms just to be allowed to leave Seireitei proper. Paranoid nobles.

The wavy-haired Visored stops briefly in his bedroom to change into a civilian kimono– well, a yukata, seeing as Rose has never been good at all the steps involved in properly putting on a fancy kimono. After a hundred years in the Living World, he's come to prefer elegant suits, but that's not the impression he wants to give to his family.

Yes, family. More accurately, his parents and older sister, as Rose's flight from Soul Society prevented the arranged marriage that had recently been set up for him from being made official. The blond's never been sure if he's thankful for that or not. Asakura Miho was a pretty girl, as he recalls, sweet and not particularly dull, but there was never a spark between them. Considering _why _the Visored had to leave, though... Rose still isn't sure.

Today he wants to show them that, barring the changes in abilities, their son and brother is still the same guy that he was a century ago. Hence the wisteria purple, flower-trimmed yukata, the same style he commonly wore back then. It's actually rather nice, if a touch long in the sleeves.

Rose strolls through the streets as he makes his way towards the Black Ridge Gate, not bothering to hurry. As long as he gets there and leaves before nightfall, the nobles can't legally get mad about a possibly-crazy former exile walking among their precious heirs. Within an hour– after a while Rose gets bored of walking through the boringly white streets and slides into flash-step– he reaches the gate and nods at the two Shinigami standing there to get the gatekeeper, Danzomaru, to lift it up. They jump to it, and the Third Division's captain supposes there are some perks to having such distinctive spirit power. Rose doesn't have to confirm for them his identity.

Calmly walking under the lifted gate with a quick thanks to Danzomaru, Rose continues on his way without incident.

It's a nice day today, sky pale blue and mottled with clouds, sending warm light dancing over trees at random intervals. The roads that thread their way through the Rukongai aren't paved, but they're fairly well-maintained, with only the occasional patch of pebbles and sand. Houses and shops border the main roads, with several trails leading off to the estates– compounds, really, but estate sounds so much less military– of various noble clans.

Overall, it creates the perfect atmosphere for Rose to not think about anything at all and try to forget the fact that he's going to go face his family. Or rather, forget the fact that he'll have to talk to people he hasn't seen in a century– literally. Beneath the deadpan, almost bored expression that the violet-eyed man almost always wears, a knot of nervousness and worry twists in Rose's heart. In his head, he knows he shouldn't feel that way, but his emotions haven't gotten the memo. How troublesome.

Rose doesn't feel the need to hurry much as he passes through the first two districts of the North Rukongai. Alright, so maybe he's dragging his feet a little, despite knowing full well that it's right for him to tell his own family that he's alive, and good for his reputation at that. Being all nice and friendly with people, not just Shinigami, is a fairly reliable indicator that there aren't any hard feelings for the execution incident. Okay, maybe there _are, _but mostly the Third Squad's captain understands the logic behind trying to take out potentially unstable and certainly dangerous beings. Mostly.

Eventually, though, his feet carry him to the gate of the Otoribashi clan grounds. It isn't a very large estate, as such things go, but it's certainly enough space for the six families who belong to the main house to live in, as well as the four families that make up the Ishibashi branch house. That was how it was when Rose was around, anyway, but there are probably a few more minor nobles running around and a couple resting in the earth.

He almost hesitates. Funny, really. The wavy-haired Visored is the leader of a military division, and he's faced off with skyscraper-sized monsters and a piece of scum who nonetheless commanded godlike power and a brilliant mind. Hell, Rose takes on a psychotically powerful beast in his head with depressing regularity. But talking to people who are related to him? For a moment that seems beyond his power.

In the end, Rose doesn't get any choice in the matter. After only a few minutes of standing in front of the gate, half-heartedly debating whether or not to go in, he's confronted with a girl charging towards him, shouting excitedly. The Third Division's captain would swear later that she was faster than some of his Shinigami.

The girl bursts through the ornately carved gate with a huge smile on her face, dark ash blonde hair starting to come out of its fancy styling.

"Rose! Y-you're back!" She throws her arms around his neck– the blond notes with surprise that she's no longer refusing to wear _geta _to make herself taller.

"Woggle?" He manages, caught off guard– is she wearing _perfume_? No way should his tomboy sister be wearing perfume! But that's temporarily forgotten as Rose realizes that she's crying.

"Th-they told u-us you were dead." Rin sobs, rather less coherently even than that. "Th-the Shinigami who came out said a H-Hollow attacked you and-and your friends and they told us you were dead and you a-aren't." She looks up at him, eyes puffy and glistening with tears, reigning herself in visibly. "I was going to become a Shinigami 'cause of you. I wanted to go and grab a sword and kill every Hollow in Hueco Mundo. They talked me out of it, obviously– I couldn't have even passed the entrance exam, I bet."

Rose extricates himself from her carefully, not just because Rin's a surprisingly fierce hugger, but also because being that close to her makes the ever-present, but usually much fainter, hunger for souls get much stronger. One of the several downsides to being Visored. The wavy-haired man composes himself again, smoothing down his robes and pushing a lock of hair away from his face, where it had fallen.

"Why, my dear sister, I'm happy that you worried, but really, you shouldn't have. I'm quite alive and as excellent as ever." Rose says with a lazy smile. "And while I'm happy to see you, there _is _an art to returning home triumphantly and it involves seeing the entire family, not just one's older sister."

Rin rolls her eyes and smiles shakily. putting her hands on her hips. "I'm only three years older than you. Don't make me out to be an old maid! Our parents are going to make me clan heir, you know."

He rolls his eyes back. "No, I didn't know, which is exactly why I want to see our parents and catch up. Honestly, sister dearest, you've become the dumb blonde in my absence."

Rin scowls at him, apparently still rough in personality, if not in appearance, though her headdress is falling apart. "Have not." She turns on her heel. "C'mon, apparently-not-dead-idiot. I was talking with some of our proper lady cousins up on the second tier of the main hall before I spotted a familiar mop of hair and went out to check. I'd best get back to them if I want to maintain the proper heiress look." Without waiting for him to follow, his sister pushes back through the gate and begins a remarkably fast power walk down the path that leaves Rose wondering why no one ever taught him that when he was supposed to be the heir.

They do eventually catch up with the mystified ladies in question, who are positively shocked to see Rose accompanying Rin. The smaller one of the two, who displays slightly crooked teeth when her mouth drops open, starts to stammer somewhat incoherently.

"Rojuro? Otoribashi _Rojuro_? Wait– you–" She starts to turn pink, frowning in confusion.

"The one and only. Pleased to make your acquaintance, ladies." The blond mentally crosses his fingers that she isn't part of the social circle that seems to be throwing a fit over his nature. Not really a great way to reintroduce yourself to your family if she blurts it out. Rose gives them a flamboyant bow, making a point to look her dead in the eye as he straightens again.

Something resembling mortal terror and embarrassment crosses her face, carefully covered with makeup. "Well, it's nice to see you back, Rojuro-san. Aiko-nee and I'll leave you to your business. We'll talk some other time, alright, Rin-chan?" The girl and her companion smile, the former more nervously than the latter, and bow slightly to Rin, then both make their escape with the haste of someone who has to be busy to avoid making a fool out of themselves.

Rin blinks, then starts to smile slyly. "Why– Oh, right." She glances at her younger brother with mischief written all over her face. "You don't remember Aiko and Chinatsu, then? Chinatsu had quite the crush on you, she told me so after you vanished. Guess that hasn't faded much with time, huh?"

Now it's Rose's turn to turn pink. "Ah– no, I don't remember either one." Thank God that's all it was. Sometimes he swears that if one more person freaks out and starts calling him a monster– it's an annoyingly common occurrence– he'll finally live up to it and snap their neck. The blond pinches the back of his hand to remind himself that no, that's not how he should be thinking.

"I swear, you don't even deserve to have pretty women interested in you if all you do is forget them." Rin scoffs. "C'mon. Now that those two have suddenly decided they needed to be somewhere else, I don't have to come up with some grand reason for deserting the conversation and we can have a nice family reunion." She grabs him by the sleeve and drags him down the corridor, with Rose protesting all the while that his yukata cost money and that all she had to do was let him follow.

As the two walk, the wavy-haired Visored makes a point of asking how things are around the Otoribashi estate. Seems that Rin's been trained since a few months after his flight from Soul Society to be the clan heir, though it only became official a couple years later after the bickering between families settled down and the elders agreed that, female or not, Rose's older sister was the most competent and therefore the best candidate. Rin tells him that she isn't sure if she likes being the heiress-to-be, since it means a lot of politics and economics to learn, but she does enjoy the respect and privileges it affords her.

"Now I get why you never seemed to have any time back then." Rin says, dark eyes wistful. "Between Academy work, then Shinigami stuff, and learning all this stuff _and _going on _omiai_ for that arranged marriage, it's a wonder you had time to sleep. What're you doing now, brother-mine? You graduated the Academy, so you couldn't have gone back to that, and since I'm the heiress-to-be now, you wouldn't be doing that either and that marriage was dropped a while ago. Shinigami work again?"

Rose chuckles. "As a matter of fact, yes. After Ichimaru died, Soul Society started looking into the suspiciously convenient events that led to his promotion to Captain. Someone had the bright idea to make absolutely sure that his 'dead' former captain was actually dead, which, of course, I wasn't. Then they put me back in place as the Third Division's Captain." All true, but something in Rose makes him leave out the not-so-minor details of why he had to leave in the first place, where he was all these years, and why he didn't try to contact anyone. He tells himself that it'll be easier to break the news when all his immediate family members are in the same room.

"Really? Congratulations, Rose." Then she stops, turning to him as they come to the end of a courtyard, having left the main hall. "And speaking of 'dead', got any good reason for reappearing after an entire _century _with zero explanation for not telling us you were alright earlier?" Suddenly Rin's expression looks a little hurt and certainly frustrated. "You could've at least told Captain Kyouraku; he came around a couple times after you took off. We didn't even know where you were! They–" She pauses, collecting herself. "They never brought back a body. Or anything resembling a body. We _all _thought you'd been devoured by a Hollow. You know there's no peace in that."

Rose stops in his tracks, making a snap decision as he sees their family's house behind her, set in the middle of a small pond. He's not going to tell them today. He's not. There's no peace in his story, no peace in knowing his full nature. Their father is a former Shinigami who rose to the level of third seat in the Eighth Division before retiring to head the Otoribashi clan fifteen years before Rin's birth, while their mother was an unseated officer in the Fourth for forty-five years before marrying. It's easier, so much easier, to tell them something else, instead of risking them doing what so many Shinigami have done already to the Visored captains. Namely, rejecting him. He'd like to believe they wouldn't, that they'd be fine with it like so many characters in the manga he reads are fine with their series' protagonists being changed into something _other_. But really, it's safer not to. Real life isn't like those stories.

That's the way the Visored have operated, after all. It was their only rule: Do whatever you have to in order to keep the group safe. The past and present haven't taught them differently. Even when the eight stood against Aizen at the false Karakura Town, the vote was only 5-3 in favor of helping the Shinigami, and that was decided after five hours of arguing and an hour of beating the shit out of each other, mainly on Hiyori and Kensei's part.

Rose'll give them time to readjust to his presence. Maybe he'll tell them then, and do it gently, when they've come to know for sure that Rose is still Rose.

"Urahara's the only person Aizen ever considered an equal. He... had a plan to take that scumbag down. To do that, he needed people of captain- or lieutenant-class strength. Captains and lieutenants are always in the spotlight– some of us are born for it, of course." The blond winks at his sister, who grumbles beneath her breath about drama queen Shinigami. "But Aizen's the only person who could ever hide his real plans perfectly with illusions, so lying low for a century after we were conveniently thought to be dead was the only option." More technical truths. The Visored didn't take a full century to gain control over their other sides. They could've gone charging into Soul Society and told Yamamoto everything they knew, executioners be damned, but they didn't, because Urahara had a plan. A twisted, sometimes cruel plan, but it worked in the end.

The Third Squad's captain looks his sister in the eye, lazy smile barely wavering, and lets another piece of truth, this one not carefully phrased to be misleading at all, fall from his lips.

"It killed me not to be able to tell you, Rin-nee-san, but _everyone _had to think we were dead. Aizen could've made you think you were talking to our parents when you were really talking to him and telling him everything you knew about our plan. He could've arranged for your death easily, and no one would've ever known."

She crosses her arms, glancing away as she processes this. "I- Fine. I guess you had your reasons, but that doesn't make it hurt less. Let's keep walking." The Otoribashi clan heiress turns again and continues down the stairs at the end of the courtyard in a huff.

Rose might enjoy manga and anime– any good story, really– but he still hates lying. It's always been that way. The blond's preference, when it comes to misleading others, is always for half-truths and omissions. Smoke and mirrors, obscuring and hiding the inconvenient bits but ultimately unable to show falsehoods. Hence the bit of guilt in his heart that he quiets by telling it he'll tell them the full truth soon enough.

As Rose follows his older sister down the steps, he smiles slightly to see his childhood home. A covered walkway surrounds the place, a one-story house composed of interconnected rooms, lacking the doors that had become ubiquitous in the Living World. Windows are plentiful and made the structure seem less squat and more simplistic. Trees are planted through much of the land directly around it, shadowing koi ponds and a Zen garden in the center, by a training yard. A small shrine is set apart from it all.

It's a very calm place, one brightened by the people who live there. Rose knows he would've been bored stiff as a child if that hadn't been the case.

The two continue down, crossing under the walkway and going to one of the smaller rooms on the right.

"... isn't an art, Kasumi. I refuse to accept that calligraphy is an art." A familiar, masculine voice is saying as the two slide open the door. Their entrance goes unnoticed.

"It is too, Seizo. You're just saying that because you aren't any good at it." Rose's mother replies, patient but exasperated. Then she glances up, and goes a few shades paler. In an incredulous voice, she says, "_Rose?_"

Immediately, her husband looks up and does a double take. The two stand quickly from where they're seated on cushions, drinking tea that Rose doesn't need his heightened senses to identify as jasmine, and cross the room quickly.

Behind him, the violet-eyed Visored doesn't need to see Rin to know that she's smiling.

Kasumi repeats his name again. "Rose? You're really–" She holds off on further talking to hug him tightly. Rose is completely unable to hold in his gasp of pain at the sharp pang of hunger that stabs through his stomach– or it feels as if it does, at least– when she maintains the embrace for more than a second.

"Mother– please– not feeling well–" He chokes out, outright wriggling out of her grasp. When the blond is released by a very confused former healer, he's a few shades paler himself, clammy, and panting slightly. Hollow hunger is something like starving, but it's also like being dehydrated, sick, exhausted, and slowly suffocated at the same time. Rose might not be a Hollow, but the nasty part of having one in your head, particularly when it has something like a symbiotic relationship with you and usually has a foothold in your mind to take over, is that you have to feel a bit of what it feels as well. While that means a better sense of Hollow energy, greatly increased reiatsu, Hollow powers, and the ability to sense Garganta about to open, it also means hunger for souls, vulnerability to anti-Hollow technology, the constant threat of being taken over, and being sensed by Hollow-detecting techniques. As the Third Division's captain well knows, that presents problems when leading patrols.

"I'm really happy to see you both, but I think I need some fresh air." Rose gasps, turning without prelude and leaving the room. He ends up sitting on a small bench about five or so meters away from the place, a small, man-made waterfall burbling into the koi pond in front of him.

When the blond can breath properly again, and his heartbeat has settled down again, he stares at the water for a few minutes. If he can't handle being touched by his own family members, there's a low chance that anything resembling normal family life is in the near future. Terrific. And when he explains to Rin and their parents his condition, he'll have to explain that yes, he does possess a cripplingly strong desire to eat their souls.

The rustle of cloth alerts him to the presence of another person, and when Rose looks up, he finds Rin sitting down besides him.

Rose winces. "End of the bench, please? The radiance of a beautiful maiden such as yourself, sister of mine or no, is such that I cannot bear your proximity." He jokes.

"Ha." His sister grumbles, but she scoots over anyway. "Rose, you aren't really sick, are you?" Rin asks after a couple seconds staring at the red-mottled koi in the pond.

He looks at her in shock. "Whatever might make you think that, sister-mine? I'm wounded that you think I'm playing sick, especially to get out of being around my own family."

"_Are you, Rose?_" Rin demands. "I've known you since you were a cheeky little baby, and I know that you blink twice every time you lie. You told me that you'd been teaching yourself to do that when you were a teenager so someone'd comment on it and you could tell them that it was a dead giveaway like all great heroes, honest to the end, had. Your words, not mine. And I know I'm not anywhere close to as powerful as you are, but I have a teeny bit of spirit-sensitivity. I can tell that there's something up with you, just not what."

The blond hesitates a few seconds too long, and his sister presses him further.

"Rose... It isn't like you to not want to tell a grand story. And you didn't tell me anything about Urahara's plan, or what happened so everyone thought you were dead, or about defeating Aizen or whatever the plan culminated in. You weren't blinking a lot, so I know you weren't lying, but I'm not stupid. You aren't telling me a lot." She reaches over and squeezes his shoulder. "Please. Just tell me what happened to make me lose my little brother for so long."

Most of Rose's resolve to keep his nature from her crumbles right there, and he looks away from her, staring fixedly at the pond. "A couple captains and lieutenants got sent out on a mission to investigate disappearances in the Rukongai a century ago. Aikawa Love, Hirako Shinji, Hachigen Ushoda, Sarugaki Hiyori, and Yadomaru Lisa. And me too. They wanted stronger people out there because a captain and lieutenant– Muguruma Kensei and Kuna Mashiro– had already disappeared. Not just disappeared. We thought they were dead, because their reiatsu was gone too." He makes a point of naming names, of trying to subtly remind Rin that people were hurt, not monsters. Reminding her that it was personal. "It was really serious."

The blond rubs the edge of the bench seat, hesitating again. This time Rin understands that he's thinking, so she lets him be. "Hollows attacked, like Soul Society told you. We were losing badly." He rubs the back of his head, where a jagged scar still lurks beneath his wavy mane. "Then Aizen, Ichimaru, and Tosen showed up." The violet-eyed Visored draws a deep, shaky breath. "They took down the Hollows... and then shit happened. _Really bad _shit. That's all I'm comfortable telling you for now, okay, sister dearest?"

Rin sucks in a breath, letting silence hang in the air for a second. Out of the corner of his eye, Rose sees her hands clench into fists, wrinkling her grass-green kimono. "Flower Boy"– she invokes a nickname they haven't used since they were little children "–if they did to you what I think they did... I'm going to kill Aizen. I'm going to pull his scrotum over his head and systematically dismember him until he's just a bloody torso and he can barely kiss your feet for what he did. That freak should've never been allowed near Academy students." Her voice is tight and terrifyingly fierce, and the Visored can believe in that instance that she really would do that.

Watching the koi's scales glint in the afternoon light, he comes to a sudden realization and busts out laughing almost hysterically. "I-I know I shou-shouldn't be laughing, sister-mine, if we're thinking the s-same thing," the blond gasps, "but A-Aizen didn't violate me that way." He sobers up suddenly. "It's not a laughing matter, or a light one, but what he did, it was worse. So much worse."

Rin stares at him, mouth open. "I utterly fail to see what could've been worse, seeing as you're alive." She says frigidly. "You've got no idea how many women, even noble ones, worry about that kind of stuff every day. You're Shinigami, so most of the women there can defend themselves soundly if that happens, but that's not how it is for most people."

A strange, sudden, and impulsive fury overtakes Rose, and he rounds on her. "You want to know what's worse?" He snarls. "What's worse is being attacked by two insane and crushingly powerful beasts only to realize that not only can you not win, those beasts are your friends. The Hollows that attacked weren't just small fry, they were Kensei and Mashiro, and if you'd seen the horrors their bodies were turned into, you'd vomit. What's worse is getting cut down by someone you thought was a friend, or at least a loyal friend of a friend, and getting sick as hell before passing out and waking up with a Hollow mask grafted to your skin. Then you find out that you've been exiled from Soul Society– only wait, it's not exile, it's running for your life because all the people you thought were your friends will kill you as a monster on sight, if they don't drag you back to be publicly humiliated and executed by the Sogyoku."

"And why'd they do that? Because you actually do have a monster in your head, and you're going to be in danger of losing your mind and control of your body to it for the rest of your life and getting locked up in your own soul forever while everyone around you is massacred. So now you get to fight to the death for control of your soul every so often, and if you win you get to live with a psychotic Hollow in your head and use its powers, and if you lose it's a fate worse than death. The only other people who know what really happened to you are the people who'd be executed for the exact same crime of existing and the people who were framed for doing this to you, while the sick freaks who really did it get fuckin' promoted and practically worshiped. But hey, it's got to get better– at least you might be able to go back eventually and get justice." He takes another deep, shuddering breath.

"Only no, you don't get that either. You'll never be allowed back in, because no one's going to believe a monster over a nice guy with an alibi. No, you're stuck in the human world in power-suppressing gigais so no one hunts you down to kill like you like an animal, and you get the pleasure of one set of instincts telling you that you're dying, that you're suffocating and starving and thirsty and sick, and the insects around you can help it, all you have to do is rip their bodies to shreds and eat their souls. The other set knows it's supposed to kill what it's become but it can't, because all that'll do is weaken them and unleash an abomination that can level a city at its weakest. Just walking down the street feels like you've got the flu."

"Even when you force yourself to work past that, so you can get a job and pretend to be human until Urahara can enact a plan that _might _work and _might _get you killed, it hurts just to hold a conversation. You'd get locked up as crazy if you tried to tell anyone who you really were and what you'd been through, so you don't do that either. With all your friends gone and every part of your life in another world, maybe you can just try to start a new life here. That'll never work out, either, because even with a gigai that's supposed to age like a human and a willingness to keep a shit-ton of secrets, there's no way you can fall in love with a human safely. If you love them, the hunger gets so much worse because the Hollow side wants to kill them and bury its heart, your heart. Even if that wasn't the case, you could never start a family, because it'd be like a slow death to be around the kids, even if Hollowfication turned out not to work like normal spirit power and they didn't turn out like you and end up committing Soul Suicide because their Hollow side tried to eat their human side."

Rose's own fists are clenched tightly as he continues, years of things he's never gotten to say pouring out at once.

"So all you've got is ten other exiles, and seven of those are in the exact same situation as you are. Then a miracle happens and you get to face off and take sweet revenge on the fucker who did all this to you, but all that happens is you getting cut down again and having to be saved by Shinigami, like it wasn't bad enough they had to see you tapping into the powers of a monster. Like it wasn't bad enough that a bunch of them were the same people who stood by and agreed when the order came to execute their own friends. So eventually things get cleared up, and this Central 46 is sane enough to let you back in and reinstate you as a captain if you fill out a stack of forms every time you leave your division and have a pure Shinigami with you because you aren't trusted to give an alibi if something goes wrong. Enough of the nobles get pissy and paranoid enough to get their kids transferring divisions and infecting as many people as they can with their bigotry. Some of 'em call you a Hollow to your face, others are polite enough to do it behind your back, one even tries to kill you."

The wavy-haired Visored scowls deeply at the pond, inadvertently sending a spike of raw spirit power at it in his anger and making the water spray up. "Then they start to calm down and figure out that there's no sense in wasting a perfectly good job, so you're safe there, but you're never really going to be safe, 'cause there'll always be the danger that someone gets past your defense and nearly kills you so you can't fight anymore and lose control, or, even better, just get emotional enough and lose it on your own. Did I mention you can't ever go back to being a normal Shinigami and there's a good chance your kids are going turn out the same way? Who knows, if your luck keeps up, you'll have a Hollow in your skull even when you eventually die and get reincarnated."

He laughs bitterly. "Yeah, I'd say that's worse. That's why I took off, why I didn't tell you where I was or what had happened, why I didn't want to give you details. I couldn't. Not sure I wanted to. There's no art to losing your mind." The violet-eyed hybrid sniffs in mock-haughtiness. "Maybe I'll be the first one to write a book about it, huh?" The light, casual tone in his voice is obvious to anyone as false.

Rose glances at his sister, who's staring at him with a mixture of shock, horror, sympathy, and worry. She squares her jaw after a few minutes, though, and says carefully, "Th-that's what really happened?"

"Wish I could say I was lying, but you know I have a thing about honesty." He replies.

"I'll still kill Aizen." Rin growls. "I'll rip that bastard to shreds for fucking with my little brother's life like that. No one gets to do that to you. No one."

"What's done is done." Rose says quietly, standing. "As long as I've got the power to protect the fair maidens and the budding heroes of the world, that's all that matters. Duty before self, despair before bloodlust, peace before war. Third Division motto and all that. Less depressingly said... 'While I embrace them, I cannot protect them, but while I hold the blade, I cannot embrace them.'" He turns back to where their parents wait, puzzlement detectable from their reiatsu signatures, then adds, almost as an afterthought, "Do you mind not telling them what I told you yet, Rin-nee? I'd like to break it to them gently, after they've gotten used to having their son back."

"I don't agree with it, but yeah, sure." Rin says from the bench. "You can unmask yourself, so to speak, when you want to. I won't do it before then."

"Thanks. It wouldn't do to have spoilers, after all."

* * *

_I in no way mean to denigrate rape victims or lessen the severity of its nature. Rose was simply startled by where Rin's mind went, and I think you'd be very, very bitter if what happened to him happened to you. I ask that you review._


End file.
